faith in humanity.

Today a customer returned to my store explaining that he only paid for one HDMI cable but received two. He returned the second one and apologised for the mishap. What a nice guy. I would like to think that I would have done the same in this situation but I honestly doubt it. I don’t think this would happen very often. Makes me think not all people are horrible, selfish fuckheads like myself.

too pure to be pink.

new years.

- save heaps of money.
- have one group certificate at the end of the financial year.
- don’t have a girlfriend.
- learn vince fontain’s speech from before the dance in ‘Grease’
- finish some ink.

I have a few other goals which I am not posting on here.

you’re the only one I’ve ever told…

You know what fucking sucks, you and I will never be.
I really want to go down that road again with you but I am ever so scared.
Even though I know it wouldn’t work, I want it so bad.
I want to try.
I wish we once gave it a shot.
I wish I could tell you how I felt.
I also wish it was easier than this.
You feel good.
I wish that I had a chance to call you mine.
I wish you felt the same.

don’t.

make me out to be the bad guy that you actually are.

wake up, wake up.

bullet.

Good.
- christmas
- blu ray
- new tv
- my family
- my job
- sleeping
- work going back to normal
- christmas shoppers going into hibernation
- saving
- notorious B.I.G
- overtime
- bedroom
- banging

Bad.
- people that talk shit
- complicated
- not remembering things
- insomnia
- price of blu ray dvds.

I ain’t coming back.

christmas.

Today was my family’s christmas.
Opened presents in the morning.
Worked throughout the day.
Had a massive dinner at night.
Played some playstation.
Church at midnight.

This year christmas really just is a day off to me.
So far this week I have done 31 hours and I have 18 to go.

a shame.

Nothing of me is original.
I am the combined effort of everybody I’ve ever known.

another one down.

I used to write a massive essay at the end of each year and talk about all the things that happened. I don’t think I can write much anymore but I’ll give it a go.

I started the year off by myself walking into a party (or maybe just sitting outside it) I can’t remember heaps. It wasn’t a great start thats for sure. I had no money but I had a girlfriend. This year will end probably very similar except I’ll have heaps of money and no girlfriend, a change which I am completely happy with.

I started working at JB Hi-Fi this year, which is probably my favourite job since working at Wendy’s, my goal is to have only one group certificate for the next tax return. I took a massive risk by going from a permanent full time job where I got paid heaps to a part time job at JB with a 7-8$ an hour drop in pay. Needless to say it paid off and my pockets are filled to the rim with Benjamin’s.

This year I lost a childhood friend. Compared to previous years my funeral attendance was very low, which is definitely a good thing. I also think that I learnt so much more from Charlie’s passing that I have learnt from any other. I think I have changed my life in a few small ways since April 6th and every day I remember him.

As stated earlier I started the year with a girlfriend, things change and so do people. After I broke up with Jess I said I would not pursue a relationship again, this time I mean it. I don’t really wish to be fooled twice.

Since October I have decided to say no a lot less. Push outside my comfort zone and do things I normally wouldn’t.

This year was the quietest in regards to touring for a long time. I only went on a couple of interstate trips with bands, work got in the way I guess. Already working on a few things for next year which will be bigger than ever before, if it happens. Next year the motto for touring will be quality over quantity. I need to save annual leave.

I turned 21 this year, which was supposed to be a massive change in my life but nothing really changed. I just felt older and defeated. I really think 22 and 23 will be fun not looking forward to anything after that though. The best thing about my 21st was seeing my mother and father together happy. Meant a lot to me. It was also good to hear a couple of certain people say good things. I never would have expected it. Thank you.

The last few weeks of this year have been amazing, heaps of new people and re uniting with people from way back. I’m actually really happy with the way things are going at the moment, not much to complain about.

I got closer with my father this year but think I have drifted away again during the last few months. Not just my father but the whole Pavlic family have been drifting for a while. Something which I hope changes in 2010.

Goals for 2010 are to save heaps, experience a billion new things, start to grow up and not waste time.

review.

I just skimmed through the last 18 months on my blog.

I used to write a lot more, now I have nothing to say.

…

I’m sorry.

We have had the longest and messiest history.
Filled with nay sayers and intruding lusts.
You’re probably the closest to ‘the one’ Ill find.
But the past has made it too hard for a future.
I am sorry.

If it wasn’t for the roaches in the wall there’d be no one who could stand me.

photo booth.

I can’t be saved.

I don’t think it’s wise for me to get close to too many people.
I don’t think it’s wise for me to get close to too many people.
I don’t think it’s wise for me to get close to too many people.
I don’t think it’s wise for me to get close to too many people.

February.

Is going to be a great month.
- Salt N Pepa in Sydney.
- Good Vibrations festival.
- Lupe Fiasco at Melbourne Zoo, and
- Brand New will be only a month away.

I love looking at the tickets on my wall.

perfect.

how did biggie get away with talking like this?

I go, on and on and on and
Don’t take them to the crib unless they bon’in
Easy, call em on the phone and
platinum Chanel cologne and
I stay, dressed, to impress
Spark these bitches interest
Sex is all I expect
If they watch TV in the Lex, they know
They know, quarter past fo’
Left the club tipsy, say no mo’
Except how I’m gettin home, tomorrow
Caesar drop you off when he see his P.O.
Back of my mind, I hope she swallow
Man She spilt a drink on my cream wallows
Reach the gate, hungry just ate
Riffin, she got to be to work by eight
This must mean she ain’t tryin to wait
Conversate, sex on the first date I state “You know what you do to me”
She starts off, “Well I don’t usually”
Then I, whip it out, rubber no doubt
Step out, show me what you all about
Fingers in your mouth, open up your blouse
Pull your G-string down South,
Threw that back out, in the parking lot
By a Cherokee and a green drop-top
And I don’t stop, until I squirt
Jeans skirt butt-naked it all work

maybe its the thug in me.

I don’t want a real life.
I don’t want a career.
I don’t want a million dollar house.
I don’t want a wife.
I don’t want anything normal.
I want to shoot hoops and get pissy drunk off henny and skunk.

head in my hands.

They make it hard for me to sleep
I wake up at the slightest peep and my sheets are 3 feet deep
I guess it’s hard for you to see.

girls.

1. is it over now?

2. you’re a joke, I am actually ashamed of myself for being associated with you.

3. I would love to but you make it hard for me.

4. I hope I am not leading you on, I have been warned by many people. I think we are on the same page.

5. no biggie this week?

6. you’re good, but I am better.

7. you ruined my head the other night.

I wish I could remember this.

don’t stop till you get enough.

it’s in the brown bottle.

fingers in your mouth, open up your blouse.

look at them now, they even fucking scared of us.

back in the day our parents took care of us.

weekend was long and involved a lot of the following.

vodka, southern, money spent, cops, tequila, helicopter, telling people things I shouldn’t, awake, carpathian, excitement, leading, taxis, bowling, amazing chips, bomb ass, dancing, disgusting, mess, heartburn, black lung and texting.

merry xmas mother.



vampires feeding on distrust.

great.

I hate everyone that tries to be like gaga, you’re fat and look nothing like her.

truth.

vomit.

Today I saw a couple walking down the street, hand in hand.
It made me want to vomit.
I am so cynical, I get it from my both my parents and I am passing it on to my sister.
I don’t believe in sugar coating the truth to make life seem easier.
Life is hard and people are horrible, it’s not negativity it is the truth.
I don’t care if I don’t work toward a successful career.
I am happy working in a mediocre job and seeing the world for what it really is.
I don’t wish to bring kids into this world as I have no idea where its heading.
The truth is people make me sick and nothing is how it used to be or should be.

tell me, tell me, tell me

Tell me what you really think not what you think I want to hear.

hypocrite.

You don’t believe in love, I can’t believe you of all people would say that.
You can’t say you love someone then do the things you do.
You’re crazy.

one of those boring entries.

good things
- new blacklisted.
- singlets.
- texting.
- exciting things.
- sex and everything related to sex.
- commission.
- being alone.
- christmas.
- 2009 almost being over.

bad things.
- heat.
- spending so much money.
- people.
- people that I thought had left my life.
- political correctness.
- a billion miles away.
- not enough time.
- days off being so boring. nights are fun but days are just a waste of time.

Our apartment is always empty.

I can’t believe how much people change.

Today the security guard at my work told me how marriage was the best thing that happened to him and how proud he is of his children. He was so genuinely happy in his marriage, it made me happy. Still I don’t believe love exists, not for me anyway.

I don’t believe.

I hate love.
I don’t believe in it.
I want to be alone, not lonely, just alone.
Not such things as happily ever after.
You won’t find that special someone like in the movies, I guarantee it.

love.

gaga.

I can’t belive how good Bad Romance, both the clip and the song, is.
Don’t believe she is a man, she is definitely weird but its great.
Ruling my days off.

if you…

spend more than 50% of your pay every week on clothes,
use valley high girl words,
like twilight,
think you’re fit when you’re actually not,
pretend to be smart,
think you’re really good and
spend all your time with your friends talking about how good you are

please refrain from talking to me.

congratulations.

You’re starting to piss me off, but I guess its my fault you annoy me.

You can’t listen to that, you can’t say you hate that, don’t mention any of it. Go away.

You did exactly what everyone expected you to do, congratulations.

I’m seein’ my death and I ain’t even took my first step.

Now I’m thirteen, smokin’ blunts, makin’ cream
On the drug scene, fuck a football team
Riskin’ ruptured spleens by the age of sixteen
Hearin’ the coach scream at my lifetime dream, I mean
I wanna blow up, stack my dough up
So school I didn’t show up, it fucked my flow up
Mom said that I should grow up and check myself
before I wreck myself, disrespect myself
Put the drugs on the shelf? Nah, couldn’t see it
Scarface, King of New York, I wanna be it
Rap was secondary, money was necessary
Until I got incarcerated–kinda scary
C74-Mark 8 set me straight
Not able to move behind the great steel gate
Time to contemplate, damn, where did I fail?
All the money I stacked was all the money for bail

over everything.

I’m worried about your depression and I am worried I will turn into you. Since I received your last message I have spent the whole day worrying about you. I am scared that love doesn’t exist and that no matter what we all end up alone. I’m sorry for all the nights I made you cry, I’m sorry for my disrespect and I’m sorry for my lies. I’m sorry if I am a disappointment. Please don’t leave me just yet as I don’t know what will become of me. So much wasted time and I’m sorry.

Collect calls to home
to tell them that I realize
that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone.

people.

1. They’re my lyrics, please don’t use them.

2. Please come back soon, I miss you.

3. Deal with it, I am over it.

4. Give me the recognition, now.

blocked.

I can’t be bothered writing anything anymore. I don’t know what to say. Every time I go to post I just end up writing bullet points on what I like and dislike. I don’t know what I think, I don’t know where I am going and I don’t care. I’m just going with the flow. My only goal is to have heaps of money by March then hopefully go overseas. I’m happy working in retail at a cruisy job, I am happy not having a career and I am extremely happy not having a girlfriend. ‘I’ve being doing what I like, when I like, how I like’ It feels good man.

Things that are good.
- girls
- asians
- basketball
- flame trees
- boyz n the hood
- basketball
- work
- christmas
- 2010

Things that aren’t good.
- relationships
- lack of sleep
- headaches
- being uncomfortable
- distance

amazing.

March.

hurts just like anything else.

Mother I tried please believe me,
I’m doing the best that I can.
I’m ashamed of the things I’ve been put through,
I’m ashamed of the person I am.

I can’t wait to feel your sun.